WHO I AM

                                           CHAPTER ONE

                In this world, there are two genders and we all know about them I mean male and female. But there are other people who are... Let's make it clear have the third gender, but no one talks about it or believes that is real even America I didn't think that they care or talk about it. Okay, take it easy, just relaxes I know you have many questions and your eyes are open wide I will tell you about my gender and the one who inspired me to write or document this story.

 

        Ok, let's start from the beginning. My name is Jordan Issah born in 2001 in Kilimanjaro and am the firstborn of my father. I love him because he is the one who motivates me and is with me the whole time I love him so much. And he is the one who tells me about the day I was born.

 

       On 09 December 2001, the day I was born was the worst day for my mom

"Congratulations, your wife gives birth to a healthy kid," said a nurse

"Which gender?" My dad asked

"Mh!! Hermaphrodite" the nurse answers with hesitation

“Why are you hesitating? And what does hermaphrodite mean? " Dad asks

“Means the kid has both genders, I mean he is a total boy and total girl" a nurse answered

“What??? " My dad asks

“Am sorry Mr. that's not a problem" the nurse answered to comfort my dad

“Don’t tell her that thing" my dad begged the nurse

“Ok I'll keep it for a while" the Nurse answered

 

     For sure everyone knows me as a boy and I grow as a man my father takes care with me a lot especially after the divorce because my mom left me when I was two y.o after she know I was hermaphrodite and my dad doesn't tell her.

"This is how you say you take care of him?" My mom asked

"Am so sorry my wife” my dad answered .but she didn't listen even the voice or her child

 

.   My dad changes my clothes especially what we call it nepi (diapers). I started primary school in Moshi airport primary school with my unisex name when I was 4 years old everything was fine until I reached class seven age 12 years old. It was morning and everything was fine except my stomach was aching but I don't know why and don't even care. Our uniforms were white shirt and blue shorts, white sock and black shoes. And it was Thursday.

"Oh man you look smart today" Say James my best friend

"Oh thanks man and you look beau..... I mean handsome” I joked

"So you mean am...?" James said

"You face looks like Ghost in Real Life" I said

"So between me and you who has Ghost in Real Life?" He asked with angry voice

"Bro it was a joke nah!! Na wewe hata hautaniwi?" I asked jokingly

"Ahh!!! You know that I hate when someone call me a girl or a gay" say James

"So do I?" I asked him

“Ok let put that aside and let's start another topic shall we??" Asked James

“Yes we are?" I asked

"Best friend" we shout together we were in school so everyone think we are crazy.

Back then I wasn't know my real gender my dad makes me believe that a man. So the bell ring it's time for all pupils to inter their classes and lesson begin it was 08:00 am. After I entered my classroom I sit on my desk.

"Oy vip man? (Hi?)" Say my near classmates Chris

"Ni yenye ila kumbuka ni kuongea kingereza. (Hi but remember speak English)I whisper to him

One of the rules in our school is to speak English when you’re in the school area and if you do otherwise you must be punished. That morning went well I remember until reach 12:30 pm and it was a mathematics lesson and the teacher saw me watching my watch and pointing at me and saying

"Jordan come here and find the value of x and if I fail to answer I will punish you very hard because you are not in my class," said my math teacher that statement terrified me and it wasn’t the question but the way my teacher said that statement.

"Mungu wangu huyu mwalimu naye Dah!!!?(Oh my God what’s wrong with madam?)I said with low voice

"I said come here and solve that equation” the math teacher shouted in anger

I stand up and start to solve the equation  the class was silent like a library all eyes on me, some are waiting for my failure but suddenly I start to hear people whisper "blood, blood" I turn back to see who is bleeding to my horror it was me “what is happening to me? I asked myself without answering.

"JORDAN YOUR BLEEDING!!? What happens to your body?? My math teacher asked

" I don't know" I answered after touching my butt and look my hand I was shocked to see blood on my hands I cried but suddenly I blackout many student say James catch my before I got the ground

"Take him to the hospital and let me call his father" said my math teacher

"Yes madam” says James and carries me on his back

For me it was embarrassing because many students are guessing that maybe I was raped and I get sexual harassment.  After I wake up my dad was there and he didn't know what happen so he asked me and I answered him what happen. But before my dad tell me anything nurse entered my room and say

"This kid has no problem but this blood was period blood"

"What how is that possible?" I asked with shocking face

“What is that true?" James asked

"That true" my dad answered that make me angry and I tell him

“That not true I've the balls how can I have women's period" I asked still in shock

"You have rare disorder of born with both sexes I mean gender" nurse say

“Wait what?  Is that true dad!??" I ask my dad

“That’s true my son" he answered

“I think it's cool to have both I guess" the nurse answered

"SHUT UP!!!!" my dad say with angry voice

"Ok am sorry!!" The nurses politely say and leave the room

"Dad I hate you, I hate you" I said with lot of tears and crying voice

“I don't mean to hurt you my boy I don't want to make you happy” my dad said

"For keep secret about my body and about myself!!!?"  I asked

“I don't mean to hurt you but to protect you I thought it wasn’t the right time my son" my dad said

"Don't cry Jordan is just like you" James said

"Wait ...... What?" I asked

“You’re not alone we are the same" James said

"How can I believe?" I asked

"I can show you" James answered

"Okay I believe you" I answered because I believe each other since we were kids but a look to my dad and say " I've a case with you" with smile on my face even though I knew he did that to comfort me.

After that we keep our secret up today but things get worse in my graduation after NECTA Examination where my mom was invited in my graduation. I start good but my mom with his husband ruins all happiness when he took the microphone and say

" Thank God for giving me this kid first is genius, smart and clever but I blame him for giving also this kid I don't know if is boy or girl  I know you’re the reason of all of why I haven't get good and smart kid your hermaphrodite your curse I hate you" my mum shout with crying face

“That’s why you leave me with my dad? That why you leave you little kid  crying say mom don't leave me you ignore my tears ignore my dad's tears because of that so who is a curse you or me who curse you me or yourself still I won't forgive you for this" I said after I take microphone  and after I finish I left with my friend James and my dad even if I was top student but I was bored with that graduation.

"I don't want to see him again" I daily with tears down my chin

“It won't happen again my son," my dad said

"She ruins my graduation she ruins my day," I say still angry with a crying voice

“Am so sorry my son am so sorry” dad apologize

"Never mind" I answered

“But she didn’t ruin it all,” he said

"What are you talking about!?" I asked

"Wait and see" my dad answered. The whole of that time James was quiet and didn't speak a word he was stressed

"What happens to you?" I ask James

“Yeah!! What's wrong!?" Dad asks James

“Nothing..... It's..... Just... Am sorry for all" said James

"Sorry for what!?" I asked

“I’ll pay first so wait for me here," my dad says

"Ok dad" I answered

“I know your story your life and gender since day one also your mom send me to start a relationship with you and ruin your life but I can't also am a man not hermaphrodite" James answer my question.

"I don't care James it's the past we have to late it go" I answered

“This is a sin I will always regret am so... so sorry" James bagging for forgiveness even though I didn’t saw his mistake

“But why she sends you?" I ask him

“Because she is my mother and you’re my twin" James answered

“What?” My dad asked with shocking face eye open wide and those ice cream which he bought for us fall from his hands

"Your hear that right that is your first son" we heard a woman voice from behind

"Yaani Dah!? It's your entire plan so why you leave me if you knew then that our child have both gender?" My dad asked

" I wasn't love you so I want another man I mean someone I love before" that woman answered and walk toward dad it was my mother for sure I didn't see her since I was a young kid and today in my graduation she ruin my day .

“So these kids are twins and why you didn't tell me and where was he all the time" my dad asked and he seemed confused as I was

" There was a woman who want a kid so I sell him to that woman after I know he was she but  I was wrong cause he was he and that one was he and she" my mother answered

“Stop lying mom" James shout with anger and tears like river

" Am not lying my son it's true after that woman give birth to her own son I took you in my heart Jordan was dead and maybe he doesn't exist so after you join primary school and you told me about That girl that he bleed in the class I remember that she aren’t dead she wasn't dead" my mom reply with her alcoholic voice

"So you want my kids to get curse right!?" My dad asked

“No he say he love him so realize that I have no son too" my mother answered

“That’s why you say I've beautiful face? '' I ask James

"Sorry bro I didn't mean it I....!?? James answer

"You what this whole time you pretend to be my friend" I asked him with anger

“Sorry am bagging you bro it wasn't..." Before James finishes his words someone break a bottle on my dad's dead it was a beer bottle my dad fall down. Was a man like 6.8 in height and was taught maybe like the rock

“Dad don't do that am bagging you" James cries and I realized that was James’ father Mr. Franklin

“Leave my father alone" I screamed and run toward Franklin but my mom interfere and try to be like an obstacle but I was too powerful to her so I knock her down and I start to run toward Franklin and I take a nice soft stone and make a fist we call it ngumi jiwe and punch him in a face. He didn't think that I can hurt him but I did because he was punching my father's face even if he was fainting.

After he receive a nice punch he stared at me and stand up and start to follow me he slap me and take his buckle out of his trouser and start to flog me randomly without care at that time there was a lot of people around who are watching some of them take videos but not helping me but suddenly the flogging stop my dad was already wake up so he helps me and it was a time for me Franklin to get what he deserves my dad punch his face like ten punches and he asking him to leave with his wife but James will stay he is my brother so if he likes to go he will go James refuse to go with them so he lives with us.

(Ngumi jiwe means it is a fist with a stone in the middle of it)

                “How dare you?” my mother said

                “Leave him alone it’s enough now mom,” James said

                “Shut up you idiot,” she said

                “Am just like him why did you choose me over him why mom why? James asked with anger

                “So what do you want this is the job I choose you to do and you still want to be with them?” she asks James

                “Okay, you let him go a man who loves you dearly who still loves you, and live with this stupid man who bit you every day and who abuses you each day because of his wealth? What type of woman are you, you leave him crying your name and….. Damnit WHY?? James said

               “Dad wakes up,” I said while crying people pass by some recording without helping some are taking video records.

                “Don’t worry Jordan am with you, ” said James

                “Please help us,” I said to random people asking them for help

                “James you leave me like this?” she asked while crying

“What do you want me to do? You betray my dad and married that monster live with him” James said

“Let’s go, bro, let's help our father,” James said as he helped me to lift my dad

We lift him up and drug him to the main road and start to ask people for help because we didn’t own a car so we stand there with our unconscious father lying on the ground bleeding.

“Am tired James, am tired it’s like no one sees us, ” I said with tears on my face

“No just one more time, let’s try one more time,” James said to comfort me

“He is my word bro he is everything to me’’ I said still crying

“Okay don’t worry I will do it,” James said as he stand up and start to wave to the cars he wave a black I.S.T. stop in front of us and miss Jasmine came out of it.

“What happen,” she asked

“He was attacked” James answered

“By whom?” she asked as we carry my dad to the car

“By… by… mom’s boyfriend or husband I don’t care,” I said with a sad face

“What!!! Where is she am going to break every bone in her body” she said with a lot of anger even her face shows that

                “Let’s take him to the hospital first,” I said as I entered the car

                “She is luck damnit” she said as she drive the car to the hospital